Lesson 19: We can't kill our desire.
One of my favorite authors, John Eldredge, constantly speaks of this desire that's built into our hearts (and in fact, he wrote a whole book on the subject matter). I absolutely love the fact that he talks about our desire for adventure and romance. I find myself thinking, "He's right, there is something deep inside of me that desires these things!" I think it's true for all people, we all have these desires deep down. Many people try to push away these desires and bury them away. But if we're speaking honestly, the only people who are truly remembered are the people who decided to act on those desires. Or at least that's my theory.
Anywho, the past few days I've been thinking about the desires of my heart. I remember the first time I heard someone who used the word desire and God together. It was my roommate at Hume Lake. She said, "It's just amazing to me how this all worked out, I love how God just knows the desires of my heart." At the time she was talking about a job position that she had been offered for this coming summer, and it was obvious God had done a little 'meddling' to get her there. I was so happy when God gave her what she desired, but what happens when God doesn't give us our deepest desire? Does He not care?
I felt like that the past few days to be completely honest. It's been about a month since I've seen my best friend, and I've been planning to visit her the past few months. When I requested the time off from work, I was granted that time, but then it was denied a few days later due to lack of employees that could work. I was disappointed to say the least, but I didn't think it was the end of the world. A few more days past and my co-worker informed me that she would be able to cover my shift so I could go. My heart was so overjoyed that I thought this was God giving me my desire. I don't think people understand just how much I desire to see my best friend. She means the world to me and any chance I can get just fills my heart.
Well, after a few days of getting excited again, I received a phone call from the co-worker who said she would take my shift that her grandmother had passed away and the funeral was on Saturday. I knew immediately what that meant: I wouldn't be able to see my best friend. My heart sank. I felt bad for my co-worker, but for a while I was so wrapped up in my own crushed desire. I took a step back and was looking at my heart. I thought, "God, why are you doing this to me? You know how much this means to me! Why did you take away my desire? TWICE." I was upset to say the least.
I turned to God's word and immediately got slapped in the face. I kept reading passages about being a servant to others and if one wants to be first they must be a servant. I also read about how Paul says in his letters that he 'deeply longs to see (insert city)'. If I remember correctly, he never did get the chance to go back visit them (I for the life of me cannot remember the people whom he was speaking to). Point being, God quickly corrected me and told me, "I care about your desires, but it's not about you. It's about loving people who need me. Their needs are more important than your desires." I thought about it and He is right. I have the rest of my life with my best friend, my co-worker only had one more chance to see her grandmother. While I don't consider my desire selfish at all, my thoughts certainly were.
I think people often confuse desire and selfishness. They assume that desire immediately equates selfishness, when that's not always the case. It's our selfish thoughts that make the desire seem selfish. Desire is not a bad thing. One thing I love that John Eldredge points out is that every women has this desire to be pursued. I've talked a little bit about that already I think so I won't go into it, but yeah. I forgot where I was going with that. Well, I guess I still have a lot to learn about my desires, but I'm glad that I have God to always win my heart back!
I love you, Jesus.
~Alyssa (SailorD)
P.S: Has anyone but me noticed I haven't been doing so many Sailor Moon illustrations? I need to get on that.
Friday, April 19, 2013
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Playing With Fire
Lesson 18: If you play with sin, you're going to get hurt.
I like to compare sin with fire. You play with it long enough, you're going to get burned. I think a lot of people do things that isn't technically sin, but it's pushing the boundaries. People think, "I can get away with this and it's okay" or "It's not technically sin so it's fine." How long will you push the boundaries until you've finally crossed the line? It's only a matter of time. I'll give a few examples:
The person who says, "A few drinks is no big deal." They wind up passed out on the floor the next morning or regretting something huge.
The person who suppresses anger and bitterness deep into their hearts, and ends up in jail for battery later.
The person who pushes the boundaries of sex, will wake up regretting something they never wanted to do (whether it's the actual sex or a boundary they made for themselves).
The person who thinks, "It's just dinner," ends up cheating because they were in his/her house alone together.
I could come up with several more. Obviously these seem like extreme cases, but are they? Looking back, I made a lot of excuses for myself like, "I can control myself" and what have you. I did a lot things I ended up regretting. Although I can't say I regret it now because it's taught me a lot, I have to admit that if I had a time machine, I would try to prevent it. The only thing I have done by pushing the boundaries of sin is get hurt and hurt other people. How long will I push these boundaries until the line is finally crossed? When friends tell me things sound like boundary pushing, I can't help but be fearful for them and their soul. Boundary pushing with any sin will do no good.
I'm not sure why, but I keep remembering this speaker who I saw a few years back. She was talking specifically about sexual sin and how it's like a fire. In marriage (or the fire place), it's a beautiful thing and it warms you. But outside of that, it brings destruction and hurt. Play with fire long enough, you'll get burned. Play with the boundaries of sin long enough, you'll be broken and hurt.
~Alyssa (Sailor Star Defender)
I like to compare sin with fire. You play with it long enough, you're going to get burned. I think a lot of people do things that isn't technically sin, but it's pushing the boundaries. People think, "I can get away with this and it's okay" or "It's not technically sin so it's fine." How long will you push the boundaries until you've finally crossed the line? It's only a matter of time. I'll give a few examples:
The person who says, "A few drinks is no big deal." They wind up passed out on the floor the next morning or regretting something huge.
The person who suppresses anger and bitterness deep into their hearts, and ends up in jail for battery later.
The person who pushes the boundaries of sex, will wake up regretting something they never wanted to do (whether it's the actual sex or a boundary they made for themselves).
The person who thinks, "It's just dinner," ends up cheating because they were in his/her house alone together.
I could come up with several more. Obviously these seem like extreme cases, but are they? Looking back, I made a lot of excuses for myself like, "I can control myself" and what have you. I did a lot things I ended up regretting. Although I can't say I regret it now because it's taught me a lot, I have to admit that if I had a time machine, I would try to prevent it. The only thing I have done by pushing the boundaries of sin is get hurt and hurt other people. How long will I push these boundaries until the line is finally crossed? When friends tell me things sound like boundary pushing, I can't help but be fearful for them and their soul. Boundary pushing with any sin will do no good.
I'm not sure why, but I keep remembering this speaker who I saw a few years back. She was talking specifically about sexual sin and how it's like a fire. In marriage (or the fire place), it's a beautiful thing and it warms you. But outside of that, it brings destruction and hurt. Play with fire long enough, you'll get burned. Play with the boundaries of sin long enough, you'll be broken and hurt.
~Alyssa (Sailor Star Defender)
Monday, April 1, 2013
Boundaries
Lesson 17: Some friendships need boundaries.
I never thought I would ever say that. Ever. In fact, I was really against this lesson up until a week ago. As some of you know, I went on a mission trip last week to Mexico. I've been looking forward to this trip since it was canceled four years ago. While a lot of good came out of the trip and God obviously worked though us and was very much present, a lot of drama happened that was revolved around me. Well, not all of it was around me, but I was definitely caught in the middle of it. About a month or two ago, I started talking to a friend (who is a boy) from youth group on a daily basis. We became close pretty close and I liked having him around. It was nice having someone around who would always respond to my texts. He was there for me as a good support. I got questioned about our friendship by a few people, but mostly from my youth leader/Timothy leader. People asked what was going on between the two of us and I hated it. I thought, "Geez, can't guys and girls be good friends without people thinking they're together?" I quickly learned the answer was no. During the mission trip, my friend (who I will call Dustin) and I spent a lot of time together just talking about the trip and other things. After only two days I had girls from youth and leaders approaching me about him and asking what was going on. Of course I replied nothing, because in my heart nothing was and is going on. He's a friend, that's it.
It only bothered me a little, but then my ex decided to approach me and let me know that he was jealous of Dustin. I told him to suck it up cause we were just friends (Dustin and I) and there was no reason for him to be jealous. Literally two hours pasts after that until I found out Dustin did start to develop feelings for me and that he was purposefully isolating me from group settings. My belief that guys and girls can be close friends was shattered. I wanted to believe that guys and girls can be close without feelings developing, but I know now that 95 percent of the time that's just not true. At some point, feelings will develop on one side if not both, simple as that. I hate admitting that. I don't know why, but I really do.
Looking back at all of my friends who have close friendships with the opposite sex, it only makes sense. Don't get me wrong, I still think guys and girls can be friends. But close friends? Nope. Of course they can be close, but those feelings will always be there. I hate that I have to restrict my friendship with Dustin because I really do care about him. But I'm doing no favors by continuing the type of friendship we had, it would only lead him on. I understand now why a guy friend of mine freaked out when my ex and I broke up. He said, "This changes our whole friendship. I made you an exception because I'm friends with him too." I hated him for saying that, but now I understand.
Even Serena had to put restrictions on her friendship with Seiya when she found out he liked her. She said, "I'm sorry, we'll always be friends but my heart is with Darien." Although I can't think of any biblical references to support this lesson, I know in my heart it's one of the things God had to teach me this last week. I held onto the belief that true friendship had no boundaries. God forced me to let that go the hard way, and I have a feeling it's something I'm going to struggle with (as far as getting used to it).
Daddy, I pray that you give me the strength I need to stay true to what you have taught me. Have your way with me.
~Alyssa (SailorD)
I never thought I would ever say that. Ever. In fact, I was really against this lesson up until a week ago. As some of you know, I went on a mission trip last week to Mexico. I've been looking forward to this trip since it was canceled four years ago. While a lot of good came out of the trip and God obviously worked though us and was very much present, a lot of drama happened that was revolved around me. Well, not all of it was around me, but I was definitely caught in the middle of it. About a month or two ago, I started talking to a friend (who is a boy) from youth group on a daily basis. We became close pretty close and I liked having him around. It was nice having someone around who would always respond to my texts. He was there for me as a good support. I got questioned about our friendship by a few people, but mostly from my youth leader/Timothy leader. People asked what was going on between the two of us and I hated it. I thought, "Geez, can't guys and girls be good friends without people thinking they're together?" I quickly learned the answer was no. During the mission trip, my friend (who I will call Dustin) and I spent a lot of time together just talking about the trip and other things. After only two days I had girls from youth and leaders approaching me about him and asking what was going on. Of course I replied nothing, because in my heart nothing was and is going on. He's a friend, that's it.
It only bothered me a little, but then my ex decided to approach me and let me know that he was jealous of Dustin. I told him to suck it up cause we were just friends (Dustin and I) and there was no reason for him to be jealous. Literally two hours pasts after that until I found out Dustin did start to develop feelings for me and that he was purposefully isolating me from group settings. My belief that guys and girls can be close friends was shattered. I wanted to believe that guys and girls can be close without feelings developing, but I know now that 95 percent of the time that's just not true. At some point, feelings will develop on one side if not both, simple as that. I hate admitting that. I don't know why, but I really do.
Looking back at all of my friends who have close friendships with the opposite sex, it only makes sense. Don't get me wrong, I still think guys and girls can be friends. But close friends? Nope. Of course they can be close, but those feelings will always be there. I hate that I have to restrict my friendship with Dustin because I really do care about him. But I'm doing no favors by continuing the type of friendship we had, it would only lead him on. I understand now why a guy friend of mine freaked out when my ex and I broke up. He said, "This changes our whole friendship. I made you an exception because I'm friends with him too." I hated him for saying that, but now I understand.
Even Serena had to put restrictions on her friendship with Seiya when she found out he liked her. She said, "I'm sorry, we'll always be friends but my heart is with Darien." Although I can't think of any biblical references to support this lesson, I know in my heart it's one of the things God had to teach me this last week. I held onto the belief that true friendship had no boundaries. God forced me to let that go the hard way, and I have a feeling it's something I'm going to struggle with (as far as getting used to it).
Daddy, I pray that you give me the strength I need to stay true to what you have taught me. Have your way with me.
~Alyssa (SailorD)
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