Humbled

Lesson 20: God never ceases to humble me.

As some of you many know, I've been like a roller coaster since Mexico.  Sometimes I feel like I'm on top of the world, and other times I feel like I'm at the bottom of a very deep pit.  A week ago, I was in a pit.  I had gotten my email from Hume confirming that I would not be joining them this summer.  This, of course, devastated me.  And after only two minutes of opening that email, I also received news that the man I love most in this world is leaving for school, for sure.  I kept telling myself that everything was okay, that God has me in his arms, and that it's not the end of the world, but the tears kept coming.  It was sort of a humbling experience.

Of course I knew rationally that everything would be okay, but I didn't feel that way.  I can't help but wonder if that's even remotely close to how Jesus felt.  Of course, his case is way more extreme than mine, but think about it.  He knew he would win the battle against sin, but when He was in the Garden of Gethsemane I can't imagine He was feeling it (Luke 22:44).  I think a lot of people know that everything bad that is happening in their life is temporary, it just doesn't feel that way.  In a lot of ways, I think God uses this feeling we have to humble us when we need to humbled.  I know I definitely needed to be humbled.  I'll be the first to admit that my reasoning for wanting to go to Hume were not right.  While I wanted to go to serve others, that definitely wasn't my top reason for going, which is what it should be.  God opened my eyes to that.  He said (paraphrasing), "Your heart is not right here.  You need to fill your heart with me."  I had to first admit that my heart was not right and I had to repent.  It took me a few days, but I got there.

But God wasn't finished with me.  To humble me even more, He did something incredible.  Hume Lake called me and offered me a position.  I was completely stunned.  I waiting two months with this tainted heart and got nothing. I waited two days with a repented heart, and God fulfilled my deepest desires.  It was by far, one of the most humbling experiences of my life.  I realized that being humbled is an on going process.  We must always have a humble mindset, in all our circumstances.  Humility cannot just be a one time thing, it must be a daily thing.

As a Sailor Scout... I mean uh... Warrior of God, I must be last if I want to first.  How easy it is to forget this lesson, but it's so critical in our walk with the Lord.  Sailor Moon always put others first, and through her humble heart she was placed in the highest authority.  We must not forget to continue to be humble, even when we are in an authority role.  Jesus certainly didn't forget, and neither should we.

God, you never cease to humble me.  Thank you for always guiding my heart.

Forever yours,

~Alyssa (SailorD)

"Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less." ~C.S. Lewis