Sadness

Lesson #4: It's okay to be sad.

I remember when I was little, that I hated being sad.  So much, that I made myself numb and hid my sadness of things like my parent's divorce or my grandpa's death.  Through much self reflection and years of healing, I've realized it is better to be sad than numb.  I'd rather feel something, and know that I'm human than feel nothing at all.  I still have yet to okay with being sad, however.  I think one of the reasons I hate being sad so much is because I tend to cry a lot when I'm depressed.  At least when I was numb, I didn't shed any tears.  Now I seem to cry over everything, big or small.  I even cry when other people are crying, and I have no slue what they're crying about.

To me, tears are a form of weakness.  Well, at least that's what I believe when I'm in the process of crying. When I'm crying, I shy up and can't show my face because I think that I'm being weak.  I know after the fact that it's not the case, but still.  Anyways, something that I've had to learn is that crying and being depressed is okay.  In fact, it only makes me stronger.  Maybe not in the moment.  But I find that when I (and other people) are going through a difficult time, that it leaves much more room for growth.  It's when we're at our lowest, that we see God the most.  One of my favorite songs describes this perfectly. "Sometimes the only thing left to do is give into the gravity that makes you low enough to see…." ~1000 Generations, Bring Me Down.

Okay, cheezy Sailor Moon illustration time.  When we first meet Usagi, she's a HUGE cry baby.  I mean, she would get attacked and shout, "I WANT TO GOOOOO HOMEEEEE!!!!" Then we fast forward to Arc 5 (Sailor Stars).  It's the night before Darien is leaving for America to study abroad and Usagi is crying on her bed.  "I don't think I'm strong enough, Luna." she mutters.

"You've grown so much these past few years, but I haven't been able to see it until now," Luna says back to her.

Isn't that so true?  It's when we're vulnerable and sad that we realize how much we've grown, and how much we can grow.  It may be hard to see now, but this will pass.  No matter how many friends I lose or trials I face with my family, I have a God who gives me the strength and comfort I need.  So I'll welcome the tears and the brokenness, because I know God sees my burdens and is carrying my weight. He is the best friend and lover, what more do I need?  Ecclesiastes 3:4 says, "There is a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance."

It's my time to weep, but I will laugh again one day and be thankful for the time I did weep.  So for now, I need to be okay with that.

With Lots of Love,

~Alyssa (SailorD)