I Am Beautiful

So I realize the title sounds kind of shallow.  It's not a "OMG. I'M SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!!" type of post, so just hear me out. 

Lesson Number 3: Everyone is Beautiful, including myself.

I didn't have a lot of self-esteem growing up. Heck, I still don't.  I wasn't one of those girls who anyone found attractive until about sophmore year of high school (and even that is debatable).  When I became a follower of Christ, realizing that I was beautiful was one of the things I struggled with the most.  Afterall, what's to like about me?  I'm plain and boring.  Or at least that was my mind set back then.  At the end of my sophmore year (so nearly two years later), I was finally able to accept that I was a Beautiful child of God.... on the inside.  On the outside? Not so much, that came later.  Even after I got my first confession, I had doubts that he would like me for very long.  I thought, "He'll move on to someone else, there's nothing captivating about me. He'll find someone much prettier."

Ah. Captivating.  I absolutely love this word!  Just the word and the way it sounds captivates me.  Great book too, read it ladies!!  Okay, back on topic.  That year of waiting to be with someone made me realize that I am captivating.  He waited for me for a whole year! I must be captivating, both inside and out.  Yay! Happy ending right? Right?!  Nope.  As the years passed, and my relationship with God came to a screeching hault, I became less confident about myself on the inside.  I am finally able to convince myself that I'm beautiful on the outside, but not the inside anymore.  I thought, "What is wrong with me?  I'm such a terrible person for letting my relationship with God fall so hard.  Where is Alyssa?"

So as my confidence on the inside faded away, I sought comfort by making myself more appealing on the outside and boosting that confidence.  That was me about six months ago.  It wasn't until working at Hume Lake that I regained most of my confidence that I am Beautiful on the inside too.  It's still something I'm struggling with.  Sometimes I catch myself wanting praise or doing things to glorify myself and then I think, "I'm so awful.  I'm doing this for my own selfishness, not for God's glory." But then I just have to remind myself that I am a child of God.  He created me, therefore, I am Beautiful.  Everything He touches turns Beautiful and if I know one thing it's that I have been touched by God. 

One thing I absolutely love about Sailor Moon is that Usagi always emphasises the importance of internal beauty.  She always says, "That doesn't matter, it's what's on the inside that counts." Yes, it's super cheesy.  But why is that concept so hard to grasp?  I'm beautiful, yet I have a hard time believing it sometimes.  I think a lot (if not all) women have struggled with this.  It's the one thing Satan makes sure to critisize us on.  "Look at you, who would want you?  This obviously happened because you aren't beuatiful enough.  It's your fault."  He's jealous of our beauty because God created us in His own image.  The sad thing is, most of us believe the lie that we aren't beautiful.  If there's one thing I've learned from being a Sailor Scout Warrior of God, it's that mankind is beautiful, including myself.  One thing I always try to tell the high school girls at New Hope is that they are beautiful.  Not pretty.  Not attractive.  Beautiful.  Quick lesson for you men, women want to be called beautiful.  Because beautiful implies that we are so on the inside and out and you don't just like them for their looks.  Okay, I'll quickly stop here before this turns into a tangent.  I've already written way more than I planned.

This whole post can be summed up into one phrase: I am a beautiful child of God.

With Lots of Love,

~Alyssa (Sailor Star Defender)