Boundaries

Lesson 17: Some friendships need boundaries.

I never thought I would ever say that.  Ever.  In fact, I was really against this lesson up until a week ago.  As some of you know, I went on a mission trip last week to Mexico.  I've been looking forward to this trip since it was canceled four years ago.  While a lot of good came out of the trip and God obviously worked though us and was very much present, a lot of drama happened that was revolved around me.  Well, not all of it was around me, but I was definitely caught in the middle of it.  About a month or two ago, I started talking to a friend (who is a boy) from youth group on a daily basis.  We became close pretty close and I liked having him around.  It was nice having someone around who would always respond to my texts.  He was there for me as a good support.  I got questioned about our friendship by a few people, but mostly from my youth leader/Timothy leader.  People asked what was going on between the two of us and I hated it.  I thought, "Geez, can't guys and girls be good friends without people thinking they're together?"  I quickly learned the answer was no.  During the mission trip, my friend (who I will call Dustin) and I spent a lot of time together just talking about the trip and other things.  After only two days I had girls from youth and leaders approaching me about him and asking what was going on.  Of course I replied nothing, because in my heart nothing was and is going on.  He's a friend, that's it.

It only bothered me a little, but then my ex decided to approach me and let me know that he was jealous of Dustin.  I told him to suck it up cause we were just friends (Dustin and I) and there was no reason for him to be jealous.  Literally two hours pasts after that until I found out Dustin did start to develop feelings for me and that he was purposefully isolating me from group settings.  My belief that guys and girls can be close friends was shattered.  I wanted to believe that guys and girls can be close without feelings developing, but I know now that 95 percent of the time that's just not true.  At some point, feelings will develop on one side if not both, simple as that.  I hate admitting that.  I don't know why, but I really do.

Looking back at all of my friends who have close friendships with the opposite sex, it only makes sense.  Don't get me wrong, I still think guys and girls can be friends.  But close friends?  Nope.  Of course they can be close, but those feelings will always be there.  I hate that I have to restrict my friendship with Dustin because I really do care about him.  But I'm doing no favors by continuing the type of friendship we had, it would only lead him on.  I understand now why a guy friend of mine freaked out when my ex and I broke up.  He said, "This changes our whole friendship.  I made you an exception because I'm friends with him too."  I hated him for saying that, but now I understand.

Even Serena had to put restrictions on her friendship with Seiya when she found out he liked her.  She said, "I'm sorry, we'll always be friends but my heart is with Darien."  Although I can't think of any biblical references to support this lesson, I know in my heart it's one of the things God had to teach me this last week.  I held onto the belief that true friendship had no boundaries.  God forced me to let that go the hard way, and I have a feeling it's something I'm going to struggle with (as far as getting used to it).

Daddy, I pray that you give me the strength I need to stay true to what you have taught me.  Have your way with me.

~Alyssa (SailorD)