Leadership

Lesson Number Seven: I need a leader.

This is something that I've known since the end of sophomore year, but only recently have I really understood why.  After I ended my 2-3 year relationship, I began a deep search from within.  "Why weren't we working?" I asked myself.  He's the kindest and most loving man I've ever met.  When I look at him, I see Jesus in his heart and soul.  We almost never fought, and we always talked things out.  AND he's my type! What more could I ask for?  Then the word pops into my head: a leader.

From the beginning of our relationship, I knew he didn't posses a lot of leadership skills and it always bothered me cause that was on the top of my list.  But we had such a great partnership that I brushed it to the side.  Don't get me wrong, I want a partnership too.  However, I'm very old fashion too and I do believe the man needs to be the leader in a relationship.  That's why my parent's marriage fell apart, and I won't have that happen to me.  I'm not saying our relationship fell apart because he didn't posses enough leadership skills, it's also because of me.  Something I've discovered about myself (through God's revelation and my group comm class) is that I'm a very good follower unless there is no one to follow.  If there is no leader, I immediately step in and take that role.  I literally had an "Ah!" moment when I realized this.  It makes so much sense to me.  When the Invisible Children club lost it's leader and needed healing, I stepped in. When there was no volunteers to lead in my group comm class, I became the unnamed leader.  When he wouldn't say stop, I would.

The times I was most attracted to my ex boyfriend (oh how I hate saying that sometimes) was right after he would give his sermons.  He exerted so much leadership and wisdom, I loved it (and oh how I would go crazy)!  I guess that's why I'm so attracted to guys with leadership qualities (especially spiritual).  I need someone who doesn't let me take control of the relationship.  What I want more than anything is my prince/knight to help guide me through an adventurous life. This is exactly what Jesus wants to do as my lover, and I love that He is the leader of my life.  If he wasn't, my life would crumble.

Sailor Moon illustration time! Ah, Mamoru and Usagi are the perfect example of this whole lesson.  Although Usagi is the leader of the Sailor Senshi, she is ultimately a Queen with Mamoru as the King.  They have such a beautiful partnership when ruling the kingdom, but when it comes to fighting against evil, Mamoru tends to take the lead.  Usagi still fights, of course, but Mamoru is the one in command.  I love and admire their relationship so much because it's what I want. I want to fight for God, side by side with my husband, but with his guidance.

God, I don't know what you have in mind for me, but I trust you in this.  You've made it so clear to me that you want to be that lover to guide me, and I still chase after other things to guide me.  Don't let go of my hand, I need you always.

With lots of love,

~Alyssa (SailorD)