Lesson 11: I need to let go, and let God.
Huh. What can I say about this lesson? Well, it's made a huge impact in my life, as I'm sure it has with every Follower of Christ. First, I had to let go of my life and say it's for Him. Then, I had to surrender the little and big things in my life. For example, I had a hard time letting go of my anger towards someone. Forgiving him was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do and it required me to let go. Every time I thought I let go, I second guessed myself and pulled the weight back in. Until finally, I had enough and I was done with being angry. The only person it was affecting was myself and the people who cared so much about me and prayed for me. I finally let go, and let God.
Since then (oh, three/four years ago?), I thought I was pretty good at this lesson. I didn't have a whole lot of trouble letting go, except for friendships. I had (still do) a hard time letting go of friends. I've lost so many that it takes me a long time to let go of them. The Scouts never had to let go of each other, why the heck can't I find someone who will stick with me no matter what? It took me over 6 years to realize that my best friend wasn't my best friend anymore. How sad is that? Anywho, that leads us to today. About 6 months ago, I let go of the best thing that had happened to me since Jesus saved me, my boyfriend. I didn't want to, and I ignored God's calling to let him go for 6-8 months. It took 3 months at Hume for God to finally say, "Enough, listen to me. Obey what I am telling you, I will take care of you."
After the most painful hour and half phone call, and three days of nearly starving myself, I did it. I let him go... as my boyfriend, and only as my boyfriend. Okay, and it took me about a month to finally accept that he was no longer my boyfriend. And you know what? I surprised myself. After that short month, I was okay with him not being my boyfriend. I was okay with just being friends. But, I was not okay with letting him go all together. Heck, I'm still not. I love him, and he's the best friend I've ever had. I told him everything (everything up until 6 months ago that is). I held nothing back from him and neither did he. I loved that I didn't have to hide anything, he was the first person I could do that with. So now, here I am and God's call to let him go as a friend is stronger than ever. It's not something I can ignore. I need to let him go, for his sake and mine. I just pray that God will be with him and comfort him, since I won't be able to anymore. If you ever read this (doubt he will), I love you and whoever you end up with is a very lucky girl. I wish she was me, more than you know, but wishing hard for something doesn't make it true. Thank you for being the best friend and boyfriend to me.
God. You wanted me, all of me. Well, here I am. Use me.
~Alyssa (SSD)
You. Are. Amazing.
ReplyDeleteI love you!
Oh, and, everything will be fine. :)